


Don't Do That!

by a_xmasmurder



Series: Cleaning Out My Drive (MCU only) [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes is a saint, Everyone is a little nuts, Gen, No Parachute No Problems, Risk-taking, Steve Rogers is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 16:04:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10812321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_xmasmurder/pseuds/a_xmasmurder
Summary: Apparently, Steve hasn't learned his lesson.





	Don't Do That!

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what this is, maybe just an excuse for Bucky to have a meltdown over how everyone is crazy?

Steve looks up at his teammates. “Just so we are clear. Bucky and I will take the east and west wings, respectively.” Beside him, Bucky nods once, his face grim. 

“Iron Man. You, Patriot and Falcon keep the air clear.” 

“Roger roger, Rogers.” Tony flips a sloppy salute, and Rhodey elbows him. Sam only nods, tinkering with Redwing.

Steve shakes his head. “Scarlet Witch, you and Widow go in the back. Subdue anyone you come across. Your objective is intel only. Let me and Bucky handle the heavies.”

“Because you are men?” Wanda stares skeptically. 

Bucky grins. “Because HYDRA likes to shoot us. A lot. Bullets don’t feel good, girl.”

“Because the rest of us are big, and I think the stuff we are looking for will be hidden in small spots.” Steve casts his gaze on Bucky. “I’d rather not be shot up.”

“Again.”

Steve sighs. 

“I agree with Cap on this one,” Natasha rests her gloved hand on Wanda’s arm. “And with the Soldier. We have a better chance getting through their defenses, and you can get everything we need with you skills.” She smiles. “We are the most important members on this team. Let the big boys treat us like porcelain.” Wanda nods, and Natasha signals Steve to continue. 

“Okay. We don’t have Hawkeye for this one -”

“Who says?” Clint sits up from where he’d been reclining in a gear net. Above their heads. Bucky stares up at him. “I’m here, geared up, ready to go. Where do you want me, Cap?”

“How the -” Bucky starts, but Steve raises a hand.

“Go in with Widow and Witch, then break off and meet up with me on the west side.”

“Wilco.” Clint rolls out of the net and lands silently, bow in hand. “Nat, let’s draw that up.”

Bucky stares at Steve, pointing a thumb over his shoulder. “The fuck?” he finishes.

“He’s here when we need him, just like he said he would be. I’m not questioning his methods. He’s a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent.” That earns Steve a eye roll. “Right. Vision is...is he here, too?”

“I think he’s off talking to aliens or something.” Tony looks bored. “Are we there yet?” He’s bored. 

“We are not there yet.”

“Fifteen minutes to target, Commander.” 

Steve points to the cockpit. “Thank you. Not that I asked, because I know how much time we have. Tony’s just being an ass. Again.”

“Thank you! That’s the kindest thing anyone’s ever called me. I’m touched.” Tony smirks. 

“As long as you don’t touch yourself, we are fine,” Bucky mutters. Steve stares at him. Bucky shrugs. “What?”

“You people are nuts.” 

“You started it.”

“I started nothing!” Steve counts to ten in his head. “I might just survive this flight.”

“Sorry, sir, I have a special request from Mr. Stark.” The pilot sounds apologetic. 

Steve rolls his eyes. “And that is?”

AC/DC starts pounding out of the speakers. 

“Nope!” Steve walks to the wall and hits the bay door control with his fist. “Not listening to this for the tenth time in a row, thank you very much!” 

“Don’t do it, Steve,” Sam calls, but Steve ignores him. He walks out onto the ramp, pulling his cowl over his swirling hair. Bucky watches for a few seconds. Tony watches Bucky have an epiphany about what is about to happen. Bucky opens his mouth…

And Steve walks right over the edge of the ramp. It closes on its own. 

The speaker crackles to life once more. “Thirteen minutes to target, Sir.”

Bucky closes his mouth and turns to Tony. He points to the ramp. “What was that?”

“Cap marches to his own drum, clearly. He wanted to walk. So he’s gonna walk.”

Bucky stares incredulously. “You. You let him do that?”

“He does it all the time?” Rhodey flips his mask up. “Tony and I are going to do the same thing, then hit the afterburners when we get to a good height. Stealth.”

“He does...all the time?” Bucky blinks. “Afterburners? He doesn’t have afterburners! He has boots!”

“And this time?” Natasha sidles up, a parachute hanging from one finger. “He didn’t bother with a chute.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” A blood vessel pops up in Bucky’s forehead. He stabs the com device in his ear. “Are you fucking kidding me, Rogers?”

“Chill out, Robocop! He’s got the Serum and the shield, he’ll be fine.” Tony cracks his neck, then takes a step back when Bucky whirls on him. 

“Chill out? The serum isn’t a fuckin’ cure-all, Stark! Bones break, blood still comes out - Rogers, you dumb son of a bitch! Where’s your chute?” Bucky’s gaze falls into the middle space. “You forgot your fuckin’ chute, dipshit!”

Over all their coms, Steve’s voice wavers over the roar of the wind. “New combat suit. Chute built in, thanks to Hill having a guilt trip over the elevator.”

Bucky squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head, making frustrated noises. “No. No, that is not how it works, there’s no way in hell that’s got a back-up chute! Get back here!”

“There’s a back up chute, don’t worry!” Steve can barely be heard over the wind, but he sounds like he’s laughing. “And how exactly am I going to get back to the jet, genius? You ain’t got a ladder that long!”

Bucky growls horrible things in Russian. Then he switches to English, and Tony covers Wanda’s ears. He yanks a parachute out of the cargo net and struggles with it. “Motherfucker, I’m going with you!”

“Meet you there!”

Bucky bites his tongue and gets the last strap, slaps the ramp button, and walks off the ramp. 

Natasha still has the other parachute hanging from one finger, a grin on her face. 

Clint shakes his head. “Christ, those two need therapy.”


End file.
